I'd Die Without You
by ML Fan
Summary: A rewrite of Designate This, ML
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I still own nothing related to Dark Angel, the guy who brought us "Titanic" and the network that is known more for its style rather than its substance do, but, I do like to take Max and Logan out to play with them sometimes. The song lyrics belong to PM Dawn. Again, if you would like to archive this story, please ask first. Please read and review.  
  
"So take every little piece of my heart...  
  
So take every little piece of my soul...  
  
So take every little piece of my mind...  
  
'Cause if you're gone... inside...  
  
I'd die without you..."  
  
PM Dawn  
  
A "Designate This" rewrite, Part 1  
  
It had been three months since Logan Cale lost the woman he loved...the sad thing is he never got to tell Max his true feelings. How he wished he could have her back, if just to hear him tell her how he really felt.  
  
Logan sighed and although he tried he just couldn't get Max out of his mind, it almost seemed like she was there with him watching somehow, it was late, but, since Max was gone sleeping wasn't particularly high on his to do list.  
  
He decided it was best to do what he had always done when things had gone wrong, throw himself into his work, that work for him now included bringing down Manticore, his loving tribute to Max. He wasn't concerned with how long it took to bring the entire operation down; he was going to make certain that those involved paid for what they had done to Max and her siblings, at any cost.  
  
He rarely went out even though Original Cindy and even S1W leader and old friend Asha Barlow had both wanted and encouraged him to and they both were growing more concerned about his health by the day.  
  
"Come on Logan, let's just go to Crash, just for a couple hours, we've got to get you out of the penthouse and away from your work for just a little while, " said Asha enthusiastically.  
  
Logan, for his part, was barely paying attention to what Asha was saying. She just doesn't get it does she? Logan lets out a sigh.  
  
"I think I'll pass Asha," said Logan not looking up from the computer screen.  
  
"You really loved her didn't you, Logan?"  
  
"I still love her now and I need to find her, she's out there somewhere, I can feel it," said Logan while pressing some buttons on his computer.  
  
"Logan, she's gone and I'm sure she'd want you to on with your lif..," Asha can't get out the last part before Logan interrupts her.  
  
"I know she's still out there and I need to find her," said Logan, emphasizing the last words.  
  
He's still stubborn after all of these years and I know he won't give up until he gets exactly what he wants said Asha to herself.  
  
"Have it your way, Logan, good night and get some rest, you're slowly killing yourself."  
  
Even though Logan Cale was still afraid of heights, he usually tried to spend some time on the Space Needle each night as a way where he could still be close to Max. Logan also said his prayers now, something he hadn't done since he was a young boy. He knew that praying wouldn't change what he saw that night, but, it gave him some comfort and hope that Max was still out there somewhere and hoping as he was that they would find their way back to each other again.  
  
To be continued... 


	2. On The Space Needle

A "Designate This" rewrite, Part 2 AN: I'm sorry about the delay, I had a case of writer's block. This part is from Max's point of view. The Italics are Max's thoughts. The disclaimer remains the same.  
  
It had been three months since Max had died in the arms of the man she loved. Only she never got the chance to tell Logan her true feelings. Every time it seemed that their relationship was moving forward, life threw some obstacle at them. Sometimes she just thought that maybe that was a sign that it just wasn't meant to be, although, that nagging voice that was in her head and her heart told her otherwise. Logan was her strength, her light at the end of tunnel while she was in that hell hole named Manticore. She knew full well that their indoctrination techniques were 99.5% successful and that it was even hard for an X-5 with her strength and abilities to overcome that. But, somehow through the hours of torture drills they still couldn't break her.  
  
She'd have to thank Logan for that someday.  
  
Max let out a sigh of relief she had finally gotten out of the place that caused her so much pain. She thought that she would never find her way out of that maze, but, she knew that it was intended to be that way, because, no one was supposed to escape. Again, her thoughts drifted to Logan. She figured that he was still trying to save the world, help the downtrodden and all of that. He probably still works 24/7 with no fun. She sighed. It had been a long week getting home, the sector and area as a whole had changed little in her absence. She still had to go through long lines in her journey back through the broken streets of Seattle. After an eternity she finally arrived at the Space Needle, the one place she could go and think and for a few moments at least she could clear her head.  
  
What if he's moved on? God knows he's a handsome man, any woman would want him and be lucky to have him. Stop it, Max. You know him if something goes wrong he throws himself into his work... He seemed to be so hell bent in not letting me tell him my feelings for him, like he was scared that that would be the last time we would see each other or that I didn't have the same feelings for him. Well, I was and still am scared, I mean Manticore wasn't a place where I learned about relationships and feelings. I learned to escape and evade with the best of them and how to take orders and be a soldier. Enough! Logan has to know the truth, I mean it shouldn't be that hard...should it? I mean once he gets over the initial shock that I'm alive and learns that Zack made the ultimate sacrifice so that I could live. She had a feeling that it wouldn't be that easy though, nothing came easily for them or anyone else for that matter after the Pulse.  
  
After all of this thinking to herself, Max almost didn't realize how much time had gone by. She estimated that it was around 11 PM and she figured she should get up and face the truth and whatever consequences that might come from it head on. I need to face Logan now and tell him the truth now, win or lose, even though, I still have no clue how relationships work. I hope that I can get there before midnight, the last thing I need right now is the sector cops all over me.  
  
Max begins her trip back the penthouse and she was hoping that Max and Logan could find their way back to each other in this all-too-often dark, bleak, world.  
  
To Be Continued... 


	3. The Ride To The Penthouse

"I'd Die Without You", Part 3  
  
AN: The disclaimers remain the same and I wanted the end of the previous chapter to have express some hope and happiness even though, Max and Logan are apart at this point in the story, I hope this answers your question, Bob. This is a ficlet Babyangel86 so the chapters and story itself are supposed to be short, I hope this fully addresses chapter and story length. Thanks to everyone who reviewed the previous chapters and my ficlets.  
  
Just my luck. It's raining. What should I expect? This post-pulse Seattle. Damn, at the rate this rain is coming down, it's going to take an eternity to get to the penthouse. Maybe that's not such a bad thing, though. What are you scared of what's going to happen? Wouldn't anyone be scared? I mean he believes that I'm dead and showing up soaked to the bone at this hour isn't necessarily the best thing I could do... Snap out of it, Max! You're not afraid of that, you're really afraid that he doesn't have the same feelings that you have for him.  
  
I mean he wouldn't let me tell him my feelings for him. I think he was deathly afraid that would be the last thing I ever said to him and that it would hurt him even more to have to remember that for the rest of his life, I guess I can understand that. Pay attention, Max. The last thing you need to do is have an accident in this weather. You can face your fears when you get to the penthouse, you'll be there soon enough. Max sighs.  
  
I have been thinking about this too much, I guess it shows that I'm worried about what's going to happen next and how I really don't know what will happen, but, I know things will be different now. My, how I've changed, before I met Logan, I didn't really know how to show that I cared, even now, I still have problems expressing emotions, but, at least I've become less selfish. 11:59 PM.  
  
Well, that took a lot longer than it does usually, I guess it's because I've got a lot on my mind and I was distracted. You're finally here, Max, it's time to face your true feelings, now or never, win or lose.  
  
To Be Continued... 


	4. Seeing You, Part 1

A "Designate This" Preview Of Part 4 By ML Fan  
  
AN: The disclaimers remain the same. The character's thoughts are in Italics. This is not completed yet and the following is what I have written so far and I thought that people who are reading deserved a preview, so here goes. Babyangel86, this story is already completed so the length of the chapters won't change in this story, keep in mind that this is a ficlet and intended to be short and in most cases much shorter than this ficlet. I just wanted to share this ficlet with other M/L shippers like yourself. Again, thank you to everyone who reviewed the previous chapters of this ficlet as well as my previous DA ficlets and poem.  
  
Well, you're here now, are you just going to stand there or are you going to face your fear? Come on, Max, it won't be that hard, you broke out of Manticore and became a caring and compassionate person with friends like your best boo, OC, things that you know were never apart of the educational cirriculum at Manticore. Truth is, if anything, any kind of emotional attachments were on the top of the list of big no no's, but, you have friends here that care for you and you would do anything to help them, even your eccentric, George W. Bush loving boss, Normal.  
  
Outside of Logan's penthouse door.  
  
Damn, opening this door is a little harder than I thought. Then again, I haven't had a lot of practice in picking locks at penthouses lately.  
  
Oh, there's a light on, he has never been one to sleep much at night, not at least until he helps all of the downtrodden people in this city. Why should I be surprised? Thinking so much and the fact that I have had to eat those God forsaken Manticore rations for three months probably isn't exactly helping me here. Max sighs and finally opens the door while trying to be as quiet as possible.  
  
"Logan", Max whispers.  
  
That voice, I'd recognize it anywhere. It can't be though; Max died in my arms three months ago. I must be hallucinating, or someone is playing some really sick practical joke on me.  
  
"Logan", Max whispers again.  
  
"It's me, Max."  
  
"You can't be Max, she died in my arms three months ago."  
  
"It's a long story, but I didn't die, at least for more than a few minutes. Zack gave me his heart so I could live. Remember how you told me that we have all the time in the world and how it didn't matter to me if you walked or not."  
  
Wow, Zack gave up his heart and life for her, I have more respect for him than I did before.  
  
These are things that only things that Max would know... I mean she couldn't have told anyone about that because, we went to take down Manticore right after that conversation.  
  
"Max", Logan says thinking he would never say that name again.  
  
He walks over to Max and kisses her gently at first, but the passion that had always been underlying begins to take over.  
  
No one else in the world would taste just like this. She does look and feel thinner and her hair looks straighter to me and she has probably gone through hell, but, someway, somehow she still came back to me. 


	5. Seeing You, Part 2

A "Designate This" ficlet, Part 4 By ML Fan  
  
AN: The character's thoughts are in Italics. This is continued from the preview. Rastafari, this story is already posted and completed on Dark Angel Reflections and this was a preview that I posted. I wanted to post the story exactly how it was there. which is why length will not change. I noticed that you have not written any fics much less DA fics yourself, so, I find it hard for you to come and disrespect someone else's work much less mine. I wanted to incorporate Zack while not there physically into the story and I think Logan would mention Zack and what he did. I do respect the characters and since you haven't written a DA fic, I find it hard for you to criticize anyone else including myself, most people at some point make grammatical errors at some point as was the case with the tense and Chapters 1 and 4 are different, Max has just gotten out of Manticore and heading to the Space Needle, now she goes to the Penthouse and finally sees Logan. While I respect your thoughts, I'd hope that you would have written a DA fic yourself before you come and judge mine to be lower than your standards. I also know that the DA fandom has gone through enough of a war as far as shipping goes; I didn't want it to be like that for fics as well. However, I, as anyone else wants to be respected for their work and effort and to me all you did was come here and trash my story with the intend of causing trouble. I'd think that you would have more to do with your time than that and deal with your problems in my story in a more mature way. I feel that blatantly disrespecting someone else's work especially when you've done no writing yourself is wrong and should not be tolerated, so if this continues from you, I will report you for abuse. Thank you to those who were courteous and respectful in their reviews.  
  
No one in the world would taste like this. Max sighs contently. He looks like he hasn't slept or even bothered to comb much less cut his hair in weeks, but, he's still Logan. My Logan.  
  
"Wow", says Logan dreamily.  
  
"Right back at you", Max states.  
  
"Are you okay? Can I interest you in a culinary miracle?"  
  
Logan gives a her small smile.  
  
I never thought I'd ever say that again. I don't want to force her to talk about Manticore, if she wants to she will. The last thing I'd want her to do is run after seeing her for three months, I couldn't bare that.  
  
"Don't you want to talk more ? I mean I've just back to you after being stuck in a hell hole named Manticore and you look like you haven't slept or ate in days."  
  
"If you want to, I'm game, I wasn't going to make you talk about it, if you don't want to."  
  
"It's okay, talking about it helps, after one of your famous culinary miracles of course.  
  
"How about baked chicken and mashed potatoes and carrots?"  
  
"Sounds good to me. How did you score that chicken, by the way? I thought those were a delicacy these days."  
  
"I have my ways, besides this is a special occasion, Max."  
  
Max rolls her eyes, "Since when has having dinner with me a special occasion?"  
  
"You know I never gave up hope that you were somehow still alive, but, I still just sat here for days, I couldn't move and right now I'm just very thankful that we can have dinner together again, Max."  
  
"Logan, there was nothing you could've done other than gotten yourself hurt or even killed."  
  
"You know me, I don't give up until I get what I want."  
  
"Yes, Mr. I'm Going To Try To Save The World, all work and no fun."  
  
Ding! "inner is ready."  
  
Max smiles, "This girl is starving, all I've lived on is those God awful Manticore rations for the past three months, I missed having my own personal chef and the culinary miracles he prepares with little or no effort."  
  
"I'm glad you still appreciate good cooking when you see it and that you haven't lost your wit." Logan smiles.  
  
"o you still want to talk more, Logan?"  
  
"If you still want to, then I'm game, if not, that's okay too."  
  
I don't think I've ever seen someone eat so fast, I can't blame her though, she probably hasn't been eating properly since she's been gone. I mean she already told me what she thought of the food, no, she said rations that were served there.  
  
Max's plate is empty and she looks up to see Logan's plate has barely been touched.  
  
"Hey, Logan, are you alright? Here I am all done with my dinner and you've barely touched yours and I'm sure it's getting colder by the second. We can't just let all that good food go to waste, especially these days. What are you thinking so hard about now?"  
  
"You, just you, Max."  
  
"Well, maybe you haven't noticed, but, I'm not a dream, I'm sitting right across from you. What were you doing anyway? Watching me eat?"  
  
Logan doesn't answer, but Max sees a small, guilty smile that wouldn't be seen, if it weren't for her x-ray vision.  
  
Gotta admit that's cute, him watching me eat. He always puts others before himself that hasn't and most likely will never change. I think its part of the job description of saving the world and the downtrodden living in it, blah, blah, woof and all of that.  
  
To Be Continued... 


	6. Confessions and The Happy End

"I'd Die Without You By ML Fan A "Designate This" ficlet, Part 5  
  
AN: The character's thoughts are in Italics. Thanks And without any further ado, Part 5 of my "Designate This" ficlet. The disclaimers remain the same. Thank you to those who have reviewed this story and my previous ficlets and poem.  
  
Max smiles, "What a feast! You never fail to disappoint my taste buds. I want to help clean up, that's the least I can do to help my personal chef."  
  
"Max, the dishes can wait. I want to talk to you first."  
  
"Isn't that what we're doing right now?"  
  
"Yes, but, I just want to talk to you, not do housework. You don't what being able to talk to you again means to me. You don't have to say anything, you can just listen."  
  
I wonder what this is about. I'm not expecting anything from this, but, I'm not exactly expecting good news because of my track record. Calm down, whatever it is, it can't be that bad. Just breathe.  
  
Logan notices the look of confusion on Max's face.  
  
"Earth to Max."  
  
That's interesting, she's always the one who catches me in deep thought, not the other way around. I wonder what she's thinking about.  
  
"Max, are you alright? You look confused, maybe a little frightened. I can see it in your eyes and face."  
  
"Sorry for the lapse, Logan. What did you want to talk about?"  
  
Logan takes Max by the hand and they walk into the den.  
  
I can tell that she's looking for anything new or out of place in here. New home decor hasn't exactly been on my list of priorities.  
  
They find the couch and both sit.  
  
"Logan", "Max," they say simultaneously.  
  
"You can go first Logan, I mean you said you wanted to tell me something."  
  
She's right, you start a conversation, you damn well better finish it. I'd better say this before I lose my nerve and my train of thought.  
  
"As I told you before, after you died in my arms I couldn't even bear to move. I regretted so many things that I didn't do with you, so many things I didn't tell you. I thought that I could show you without saying the words. I mean I'm a cyber journalist and I help others in my never ending crusade to save this broken world through my writing and investigations, but, if you turn the tables on me and expect me to express my emotions outside of my work, there's my problem. I knew that you weren't like those fancy, superficial society women that I used to go out with and that you didn't want or need to be worshipped with candy flowers or jewelry. I was also afraid of scaring you away. From the first time in my life, my looks, charms, and wealth went out the window in a relationship with a female. You looked past all of that and saw the real me, the real Logan Cale and you wouldn't let me get away with anything. And I love you for that."  
  
Nice one, Cale. I thought that you were going to take this slowly, not lay it on her like that right away, she just escaped from the place she hates more than anything in the world. God only knows the hell she went through there. You'll be damn lucky if she doesn't just walk out that door and never comes back.  
  
"Max, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to throw all of that at you so soon. Just forget I said anything."  
  
Max, sighs. "God Logan, I hate it when you do that. Trying to put up that protective, ever present wall again. Why won't you let me answer you?"  
  
Logan sighs, "Well...I thought that...."  
  
Wow, the great Logan Cale, the almighty Eyes Only at a loss for words, now that's a rare sight. Normally he's got some witty, intelligent comeback for me. I guess I've found a weak spot. He always seems to be so in control and confident in what he says. It's time to cut the crap. It's now or never. Max sighs.  
  
"Did you mean it, Logan?"  
  
"Every last word of it, Max. I didn't want to scare you off after not seeing you for three months."  
  
"Look, Logan, I'm sick of the games and dancing around each other, we've done that for long enough. In fact, I think we've mastered those two things to a "T." If you scared me, I would've been long gone before now. And truth be told, if I didn't want to see you, I wouldn't be here right now." Max continues speaking, "When I was back at Manticore, they tried in vain to indoctrinate me and they are 99.5 percent successful in that and so I knew I had to be strong and think of something to motivate me and keep me strong and I chose you. My memories of you kept me sane in that hellhole, they were my tranquility, when what they were trying to do to me was anything but, pleasant. They even tried to give me a breeding partner, Alec. Max rolls her eyes.  
  
"He's just a kid brother who from time to time can be annoying, always looking out for himself, thinks very highly of himself, pretty much like your average guy in his early 20's, a little immature sometimes. Not a bad guy, just definitely not my type. Manticore's mating rituals failed miserably. I got through all of that because I knew that when I got out of there that I had something worth coming back to and I know that it's hard for me to express my feelings to anyone because of my childhood as a soldier where we were taught how to master escape and evade instead of anything about feelings and emotions. Emotional attachments to anyone or anything were at the very top of big no-nos at Manticore. But, you deserve the truth, no matter how hard it is for me to admit it out loud; I love you, too. I don't know what the future holds for us, but, I'd like to find out together, because, I know I would've have died at Manticore, if it wasn't for you, I would have died without you."  
  
Wow, my beautiful, intelligent, dark angel says that she loves me, I wasn't expecting her to say those words so soon, wow. Better sooner than later, I guess.  
  
"I never believed for one minute that you were truly gone forever, Bling, Cindy, and Matt were all very concerned about me. I became consumed with taking Maticore down after they took you away from me. And I know that there were so many times after the accident when I wanted to throw in the towel and just give up, but, you wouldn't let me feel sorry for myself for too long. You saved my life and I knew it back then and I know it now after being separated from you for three months that I would die without you in my life." Logan leans in and kisses her as a promise of what's to come while knowing that whatever comes their way; good or bad that they'd face it head on together.  
  
Together.  
  
The End. 


End file.
